What Hurts the Most
by greatpeckspectations
Summary: Ginny is killed by a 'muggle disease' called cancer. These are Harry's reflections after he is left alone without his wife.


Author's Note: one of my many stories on my other fanfiction account (LilyLunaLovegood) on harrypotterfanfiction. I just really like the song. Enjoy!

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house**  
**That don't bother me**  
**I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out**  
**I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while**  
**Even though going on with you gone still upsets me**  
**There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok**  
**But that's not what gets me

18 year old Harry Potter sat on his tattered, old bed in his temporary bedroom in the Burrow, and stared out the window. The rain was pouring by now and the whole house was filled with a thick gloom. Ever since that day, the Burrow was never the same cheerful place it used to be.

Harry's eyes filled with tears as he thought back to his memories.

"_Ginny," said Ron. "You don't know how weird it is for her to be this shy. She never shuts up normally-"_

He silently chuckled to himself at that memory. That was the second time he had ever seen Ginny Weasley. First time he had ever seen her up close.

She had a crush on him before she even met him and about passed out when she saw first realized who he was. Despite thinking Harry had done something wrong, he could tell there was something about her he liked.

What hurts the most**  
**Was being so close  
And having so much to say**  
**And watching you walk away**  
**And never knowing**  
**What could have been**  
**And not seeing that loving you**  
**Is what I was tryin' to do

He remembered back to the time when he had found her in the Chamber of secrets. He could not remember a time when he had been so scared.

_What d'you mean, she won't wake? Harry said desperately._

That memory still gave him nightmares. How could it not? He thought she was bloody dead for Merlin's sake! Thank Merlin she wasn't though. Merlin, how he missed her.

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go**  
**But I'm doin' It**  
**It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone**  
**Still Harder**  
**Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret**  
**But I know if I could do it over**  
**I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart**  
**That I left unspoken

Suddenly, a plethora of memories of Ginny came flooding to him. Ginny dancing with Neville at the Yule Ball in fourth year, Ginny sticking up for Harry at Flourish and Botts to Malfoy right before the golden trio's Second Year, Ginny bringing a shaken Ron into the common room after he asked out Fleur Delacour in Fourth Year, Ginny's happy face when he came out of the maze in the third task during the Triwizard Tournament in Fourth Year, and the time that he truly did first meet Ginny Weasley. Her small, little self bound to attend Hogwarts a year later, wishing him luck when he first went through the barrier to the wizarding world.

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go**  
**But I'm doin' It**  
**It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone

More memories pounded into his head. The first was when James was born.

"_HARRY POTTER!" Ginny Potter shouted squeezing his hand in a vice grip. "YOU WILL NEVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!"_

_Harry stood shell shocked as he felt his hand slowly breaking. He tried to speak words of encouragement to her, but she threatened to curse off his mouth if he didn't stop talking. ___

_The healers told her to push once more before the sounds of a new child's cries filled the room._

Still Harder**  
**Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret**  
**But I know if I could do it over**  
**I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart**  
**That I left unspoken

_Harry, Hermione, and Ron all sat in a row on the hard, plastic chairs of the St. Mungo's Waiting Room. They all stared at the ground, awaiting the healer's results. They were all apprehensive to find out the cause of her being sick for the past few weeks. However, they were jerked out of their thoughts by the healer calling his name._

"_Mr. Potter, I am afraid I have some bad news." Harry looked up with tears in his eyes as the Healer spoke those fateful words. "Your wife has a muggle disease, it is called cancer. She has had an undetected tumor in her brain for awhile now and it has grown. It is now cancer. Mr. Potter, I am very sorry. You can go visit your wife, now. She is in room 1432."_

_Hermione burst into tears and clung to Ron. He even had tear tracks on his face. Harry could not see with his tears clouding his vision. He could hardly believe it. Ginny was going to die._

What hurts the most**  
**Is being so close**  
**And having so much to say**  
**And watching you walk away**  
**And never knowing**  
**What could have been**  
**And not seeing that loving you**  
**Is what I was trying to do

He sat on the bed and remembered moping around the house with the rest of the Weasley's last week.

_Harry and Ron sat side by side on the couch very interested on the floor. It had only been two weeks since Ginny had collapsed while walking in the park with Harry and James. When they had gotten to St. Mungos they had taken her into emergency surgery and she did not come out. Ron finally looked over at Harry, which caused him to look up. Ron shot Harry a sad look of pity before speaking._

"_I miss her too, mate. I know that you loved her and that she loved you, very much."_

_Harry gave Ron a sad smile. He felt an increase of weight next to him and turned to his right. There sat Hermione giving them both sympathetic looks and sad smiles. She had red rings around her eyes and they could tell she had been crying, a normal routine in the Weasley home. _

"_Harry, Ron and I will be here with you. Everyone will. We will help you with James. You don't have to do this alone. Oh, and Mrs. Weasley wanted to know if you two wanted any tea?" They both rejected the offer. Hermione gave them a sympathetic look before speaking._

"_We all miss her. She was a big part of all of our lives. My best friend, your sister, James's mother, and your wife. Point is, if you need to talk, I'm here." she said sympathetically. Harry chuckled at his silliness._

"_Do you want to know the saddest part of all this?" he asked softly. They shook their heads in response. ''Before she died, Ginny asked me to try and not be sad. I told her I would try, but it would take awhile. She said that it was OK, just as long as it wasn't too long." Hermione flung her arms around Harry and Ron and tried her hardest to hide her tears._

"_We all miss her." she whispered before quickly standing up and returning to the kitchen to cry alone._

What hurts the most was being**  
**so close**  
**And having so much to say**  
**And watching you walk away  
And never knowing**  
**What could have been**  
**And not seeing that loving you**  
**Is what I was trying to do

Harry was jerked out of his memories by the sound of knocking on a door.

"Come in." he answered weakly. He wasn't surprised by anything anymore. The fact that Remus, Tonks, and Teddy were standing in his doorway for a spontaneous visit; or the fact that Teddy's hair was neon green.

"Wotcher Harry!" Tonks said cheerfully. She stepped forward to embrace him before stepping back.

"Well, I just wanted to pop in and say hello. I'll be downstairs, darling. Have a good chat, you two." she told Remus kindly before walking back down the stairs with Teddy balanced carefully on her hip. Remus walked over to where Harry sat staring out the window where the rain had stopped.

"Hello, Remus."

"Hello, Harry." There was an awkward silence between the two. Either Remus had forgotten what he was going to say, or he was beginning second guessing saying whatever it was. Finally, he spoke.

"Remember that she loved you Harry. Remember that she always loved you. Keep the many memories you have with you always. Don't let anyone tarnish them. They're yours and yours to keep. If she were still alive, she wouldn't want to see you this way. She wants to see you happy. Remember she loved you, be happy for her." he said before standing up and leaving the room. Harry thought about this for a few seconds before standing up and rushing out after Remus.

"Remus!" he shouted. Remus turned around and smiled at him.

"Yes?"

"Thanks." was all he said before dashing down the stairs and out the backdoor leaving a confused but smiling Remus in his wake.

Not seeing that loving you**  
**That's what I was trying to do

Harry sat curled up on a bench in the backyard garden of the Burrow. He thought about exactly what Remus had said. He didn't know what possessed him to do so, but he casually glanced up into the sky. He looked around through the bright blue sky before his eyes landed on a particular part of the cloud.

He could see a glowing aura about this thing and saw its long red hair and petite slender figure. He looked it straight in the eye and saw it smiling a bright smile back at him. He chuckled to himself as he looked up at the figure and shook his head with a smile. His guardian angel.

"Daddy!" James shouted running out the back door and scrambling to his father. Harry laughed, picking him up and twirling him around. Maybe they wouldn't be so bad off, after all.

Not seeing that loving you**  
**That's what I was trying to do

A/N: Both book excerpts are from the Chamber of Secrets (the first is from page 40/Chapter 3 and the second is from page 307/Chapter 17).  
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the book excerpts, characters, and the locations you recognise. Rascall flats is the artist and the song is _What Hurts the Most_. I own the plot.


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